We are now entering into the more proverbial section of Proverbs, beginning here with chapter 10. Because there are so many within this chapter, I will select the one that stuck out to me the most.
This proverbs for a month is not planned until I read the chapter and relay what speaks to me. I am not ever really sure where it will go, but I'm glad you're along with me for the ride.
"He that hideth hatred with lying lips, and he that uttereth a slander, is a fool. In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise." Proverbs 10:18-19
We could all take a page from this verse. I like to think that I am pretty forward with everyone, but I think like many people I have occasionally spoke hurtful words. I'm betting most of this happened actually while employed at my previous job.
You see, my previous job was a nightmare. The job itself was fine. The daily tasks were not too bad. The people--for the most part--were horrible. Again, not everyone, but a vast majority of individuals at that job caused me more trouble than I can even begin to get in to.
Why did they do it? My only speculation is that they were put off by my personality. Anytime I meet anyone for the first time, I am generally very reserved. After knowing people for a couple weeks, I gradually start to let my sense of humor and mannerisms manifest. I don't do it intentionally, but this just seems to be my natural progression.
So I started off getting along with everyone, as I tend to do. About 3 months in, I moved to a different section of the job, and the individuals in charge of that section--were horrible. Up until that point they had been great. But as soon as I entered their domain--I was fair game. To say I was slandered or that they held hatred in their lips towards me would be an understatement. To the best of my knowledge, at least initially, I did nothing except try to learn my way in the new area and keep to myself.
As time went by, they would randomly pop in and begin accusing me of messing things up that I literally had nothing to do with. Once I responded in honesty, assuring them all was well, they would chastise me for talking back--despite the general calm nature of my tone.
Well a man can only handle being slandered so long before trying to speak out. I reached out to higher authorities there, including one close friend, and always seemed to get the same answer. "Just keep your head down and do the job and they'll leave you alone." The problem was...that's exactly what had got them after me in the first place. Not participating in their little games that they played. Maybe it was supposed to be an initiation..maybe they were just mean people..but I know I wasn't the first to fall victim to this. I was the one who held out the longest though.
That's not to say I didn't have my blow ups with them. Again, you can only be made a fool of so many times before standing up for yourself becomes the instinct--whether you should or not.
The sad part of it was that I continued in general to try to forgive them. Each time they tricked me into thinking they liked me, I would give them the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes months would go by with no problems. Then one day, probably when they had something bad happening in their home life, they would break the truce and launch back into what really boiled down to picking on me. I mean straight up high school bully picking on me. And these were supposedly adult individuals in positions of power that in reality I have no idea how they earned treating people the way they did.
Now, that is all I will say. I won't name names. Those who know already know. The point is that God brought me through that as a learning experience. He taught me that humility, even in the worst of circumstances, is His will for us. The Apostle Paul demonstrated great resolve in these areas as he and many of the early church faced persecution. He ended his life saying that he had fought the good fight and finished the race.
When I started my current position, I was amazed at the difference in environment. It was like a true family. The old job had always talked of us all being a family--but truthfully it was a limited family. If you didn't fit in with the main group, you were treated as an outsider. I couldn't believe how nice everyone was at the new job was. I began to realize that God had been with me all along.
During the last month at my previous job, I had been under the most emotionally painful time of my life to that point. The job was tearing me apart--and those who know me best know how bad it was. Deep down I kept trusting God. I used to go in the freezer and sing "oh Happy Day" as loud as I could when I was feeling the worst. It gave me comfort knowing that (hopefully) this was only going to last for a season.
And then it happened. I got hired at my current job; a perfect fit. I get to engage people on the phone daily and just have great conversations. I basically have control of my workflow and no one is constantly behind me shouting orders. I don't have to pull weeds anymore (despite that not being a part of my other job description). The humility that I learned from having to deal with such turmoil, translated into a great fit with my current position. And I took some great lessons from my experience at the previous job.
Adversity is breaking us of our self righteousness and pride and showing us that only by fully relying on God can we ever be fulfilled. I probably fought it longer than necessary before finally having to give up and just trust Him. It's not on our timetable either. I waited over a month before finally hearing if I was officially hired at the new job. Then, after hearing I had it, they postponed it one more day--and were still 99.9% sure I would be hired. It was then I realized that God was testing my resolve. He wanted me to trust that he had brought me that far, and wouldn't throw the expectation all away. I serve a merciful God, not a bully.
The world is the bully, and sometimes God will allow the world to get you down to help build you up. I am 100% proof now that by trusting His will the whole time--the glory on the other end of the trial is that much sweeter.
Those that hid hatred with their lips and had slanderous words were fools. They didn't know that I had the power of God on my side. And though at times I felt like giving in. And at times I may have given in temporarily. I kept getting motivation--boosts spiritually--to pull me through.
Many of you may remember a Facebook post that caused some controversy awhile back. It was titled "Who are you to question God." My friends assumed it was about them, and accused me of insensitivity. Let me set the record straight. That post was written on a day that I was feeling particularly down. I read a verse that made me realize that I am no one to questions my circumstances. I believe it was Romans 9:20.
How do you think I felt that day when I read comments from some of the best of my friends accusing me of being judgmental, intolerant, a product of being raised in the church with no mind of my own. I went into that day feeling great that God had control. I ended it with a heavy heart. The use of the word "you" instead of "we" when referring to my general statements incited Facebook controversy. I took that note off of my timeline because I don't need to continue shaming those who commented.
And isn't that applicable to our Proverb today. He that refraineth his lips is wise. I wish people had refrained that day. I managed to smooth things over and clarify my intent to some, but others may not know until I post this. It's what inspired me to go to blog format. I don't have to censor myself here. I shouldnt have to censor myself on Facebook statuses either. Maybe if a particular post feels like it applies to you, that's God (not me) trying to convict you. Maybe. But for the benefit of society as a whole, it felt that day like I was doing the world a disservice by sharing my faith in a moment of weakness. It was a post meant to boost me.
The adage if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all, is good advice for all of us. I hope that even the non-spiritual among you will read these blogs and my statuses and not feel like I am personally trying to violate your belief systems. I share candidly because in that moment, that's where I am led.
For the record, all is forgiven in those regards. I just want everyone to see why sometimes not holding our tongues, or why slanderous words and hate in our hearts can cause more pain to others than we know. My heart is still heavy from that day when I really think back, though I have forgiven those involved and asked forgiveness for whatever I may have done wrong that started the whole thing.
I wish I could share the faith more directly with many of my close friend and family. In the meantime, to everyone, you may serve however you choose, but as for me and my house-we will serve the LORD!
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