Fear (In light of current events)

I want to be honest. Lately, I'm afraid. More than any other time in my life, I'm afraid. 

A decade ago it wouldn't have crossed my mind to be uneasy going to a movie theater. Now, each time I enter one I have exits planned and I find myself (unfortunately) judging people out of fear.

With the recent attacks in Paris, I'm reminded that right before our Cancun trip this year, the incident on the beach that killed so many had me afraid even to go relax on the sand. 

There is so much terror in our world, and I think if we're honest, regardless of our politics or faith system, there is an air of uncertainty that is hard to fully write off.

But, I'm smart enough to know that not every Christian is represented by Westboro, the KKK, or Nazi Germany. Those are all examples of hijacking a religion. It happens with gangs as well, who put on the cross bling and pray to the saints before shooting up a convenience store.

I know that just as those are not representative of my faith in Christ, so too terrorists are not representative of Islam as a whole. They've hijacked it, and use it for justification, but it is not the true Islamic faith they follow.

I'm afraid, but I don't want this fear to lead me to condemn or generalize a whole people or faith group; Christian, Muslim or otherwise.

I'm sure many Muslims feel just as frustrated by those killing in that religion's name as many Christians have felt throughout the ages being looped in with the KKK, or to a lesser degree Westboro. Those are simply the first examples to come to mind.

Regarding my fear, My Christian friends will say to trust God to take away the fear. And to a degree, for my own faith, that will help. But it does not fully address the issue. I think as a means of dealing with this crazy world, there are perhaps other, practical solutions.

I'm beginning to understand that living out the loving aspects of our faith systems (or simply our ethics as the case may be) is the only true way to bring people together, instead of tearing them apart.

On my team at work there are Christians, Muslims, Atheists, Jews, and I'm sure a whole host of non-categories, and each of us get along and care for each other as coworkers.

This then must be the model for the world. Our differences will always exist, but we cannot become afraid of those differences. We can embrace them and love, or at the very least be kind, to one another. 

I may be afraid because of events in the world, but I'm learning  that alleviating that fear will come, at least partially, from embracing and loving all those around me.

I can't stop a terror attack any more than I control whether or not I'll wake up each day. But I think I'm going to choose to go forward with a healthy respect for our differences. It may not be the way most would go, and I may not perfectly execute this path, but it's the only way I know right now to let the fear go, and embrace love.

*These are my personal reflections, but feel free to share or pass along if you want. Maybe it can help someone else feeling the same.*

The End of "The Great Downsizing"

Our experiment, for that is what I believe it always was, has finally come to a close. It was sometime around May/June 2014 when we bought the 1997 Fleetwood Wilderness Fifth Wheel, and commenced what I lovingly called, "The Great Downsizing."

The idea was simple. We would avoid high apartment rent, and gain an asset of value, while downsizing our cost of living and lifestyle in order to pay off some debts, and generally just save more money. How did it go? Well, like most things in life, not exactly to plan.

Once we committed to buying the RV, Juliet decided to go work for her dad with the mission teams in Mexico. At the time, I had 3 days off per week, so I drove down frequently to visit her while she stayed there. The original RV plan had included her keeping her decent paying job that she hated for a year so that we could knock all the debts out, and then begin working for her dad. We essentially flipped that, and did the opposite.

And, for a time it worked. We still managed to pay down some of the bigger debts, and for the most part did not incur too much more, despite her not bringing in an income anymore. And, living in the RV, for me, was a fun experience at first.

Since we bought an older model, I expected at some point we would have to do some upkeep. I am not skilled in the handyman arts, so I planned to either teach myself, or use tips from those around me. When my stepdad moved back to Tulsa with my mom, my initial handyman contact was gone. He was still helpful over the phone, and truthfully it forced me to learn some things on my own, but as more and more started to need maintenance, it began to get too frustrating for my unskilled self.

And then, Tyler moved back into town. My best friend Tyler had just about every tool, and life experience, to fix anything and everything (and he still does). He was kind enough on multiple occasions to help me with some of the heftier projects. We installed new, more stable piping under the sink. We replaced the A/C Motor to give the Air conditioner new life. And, he helped on many small things as well.

When they visited, Juliet's dad also did some small repairs.

I think because of these people around us, I pushed for us to stay in the RV longer than I probably would have if I'd not had the help.

When Juliet finished in Mexico and came back up in May of this year, we knew she'd need to get a job somewhere. We had survived on the little bit she got from the teams in Mexico, so I knew she could work wherever she wanted, for whatever pay she could get. Anything would be an upgrade financially at that point. She chose to work somewhere that makes her happy, essentially playing with dogs all day (her dream job for sure). What I hadn't counted on, was the issue of where to put all of her things once she moved back to the RV, on top of having two dogs taking up space. It was never cramped, but it was also never an abundance of space for storage.

And then it got to be a little too much...

This past weekend, the rain (or at least I believe it was the rain) shorted something out, and we haven't been able to get the AC or lights working. If we're lucky, it'll turn out that the electric pole shorted out and the community will fix it. If we aren't, then something went wrong on the RV, and it became temporarily unlivable. Either way we had to spend 4 nights at hotels because the weather wasn't quite cool enough yet to go without AC in Austin. We had been discussing a move back to a 1 bedroom apartment by the end of the year, but because of the new problem with the electricity/air conditioner, our timetable got pushed up.

We had visited a few apartments to get ideas, but we never imagined we'd be back 24 hours later to lease whatever we could find available at a decent price. It was either that, or keep paying nightly at hotels (way more expensive in the long run).

So, with a measure of frustration, which soon turned to excitement, we sought out an apartment community. We landed at a nice community in the north part of Round Rock, near the outlet mall and IKEA. It wasn't too far from where the RV park had been, so our commute didn't increase too much.

We found a nice 1st floor, 1 bed/1bath apartment with a washer/dryer in unit (so great to have). Today, we got the keys, and paid the move in costs. Because of the short notice, we were able to get some generous, last minute help to meet all of the initial costs.

Tonight will be the first night in nearly a year and a half that I will sleep in a new home that isn't the RV. Honestly, it's a bit of a relief, despite my fondness for the RV lifestyle in the beginning.

Our next step is to get it put in storage and try to sell it. I have a feeling the issues were community related instead of RV related, so the AC and things should still be good. Hopefully we can sell it for enough to knock out a few months rent, and just buy some general flexibility.

Overall, the Great down sizingwas not a bad thing at all. But, as with any experiment, it eventually must end.

The RV allowed Juliet to do what she loved in Mexico for nearly a year. It allowed us to pay off some debts and bills, and learn to live with a little less. I learned a few handyman tricks that I can someday implement on a house. We still have an asset (albeit a fixer-upper asset) and can get some money back on it. Overall, it was a good life experience, and I don't regret it. I think it was there for the time we needed it, but now it's time to move on again to creature comforts like a maintenance team, and a washer, dryer, and dishwasher.

I still would recommend downsizing to someone thinking about it. But, I would suggest paying a little more for the RV and getting a newer model. We bought one that was a bit older, and as such, had a few maintenance items to take care of in our time with it. Overall, it has held up pretty well considering its age. Still, the investment for something a bit newer would be worth it in the long haul and same some headache.

I think we will still do what we can to maintain a lifestyle of a little less. We'll still do our best to set aside money that we can. Ultimately, whatever we end up being able to do, we can do it with a bit more comfort and peace of mind than we've had for the last year. The trade off at this point seems worth it, so it's time to close one chapter, and begin another.