Belief in a Family of Unbelief from "What I Believe"

Excerpt From, "What I Believe," (unpublished/unfinished) by Chris Byers

I was accused once of having always been raised in the church, and therefore predispositioned to Christianity without the ability to choose for myself. The fact is, I’m not entirely sure anyone in my family was really ever considering faithful church-going until the first kids were born. 

Granted, church-going is not necessarily the same as being a believer in Christ. I’m almost certain, at least initially, many in my family were attending church based on the 1950s mindset of, “it’s just what you do on Sundays.” 

As I mentioned before, my first church attendance was in the Presbyterian church (Though I sang in the Nazarene before). I finally asked my mom the other day, why they had chosen that church, and why they had traded that in time for the Methodist church.

You see, doctrinally, they are somewhat different. Presbyterians fall into the reformed theology camp after John Calvin, while Methodists trace back to Arminianism. The Calvin vs Arminian debate is something I’ll save for another section, but suffice to say, the transition is fairly huge doctrinally. 

Now don’t get me wrong, my mother is the one member of my immediate family that I know for sure understands what it really means to be a believer in Christ. Sure she, like all of us, gets misguided sometimes, but I know in my heart, her foundation is solid (just as her mother’s before her). Her response was just about what I had expected.

According to her, she and my dad decided it would be best to be married in a church environment, and since they had not previously been regular attendees (not in many years anyway), they found that church that did not require membership, or some other predetermined criteria to marry. Once my brother and I were born, it was natural to want to raise us in a church environment. Also, my preschool was part of the Presbyterian church we attended...so convenience.

I still would like to hear my dad’s version of the same story and compile all the facts about the transition, but for now, this will suffice. When I met my friend Gary (from the post “Godfinger”) his family was attending the First United Methodist Church. Since I was out of preschool at that time, and my parents had began to feel left out among the doctors and lawyers of the Presbyterian church, they initiated a switch the Methodism. 

Adulthood

As evidenced by the previous section (of "What I Believe"-not yet posted) on sleeping churches, my Methodist church raising was not ideal. But, in some ways I think that actually propelled me closer to God over time.

When Juliet got to the states, and we began our life together, we sat back and began discussing our faith more in depth. She too was raised Methodist, but it was not the same kind of Methodist upbringing I had. Her mother was a believer to the point of alienating her children at times (though unintentional I'm sure). Her strict rules seemed harsh to Juliet and her siblings growing up. Now a married woman, Juliet reflected back on just how great the upbringing had actually been.

For one thing, her mother was aware of the more spiritual aspects of the faith. She had studied spiritual warfare (something you most definitely will not hear discussed in Methodism), and Juliet’s insight into the subject lent a new dimension to our faith walk. I, on the other hand, was more prone to studying and teaching, so I explained Bible stories, and doctrinal things to her in more depth.

That winning combination of our faiths was not initially realized. We struggled to attend church in the first years of our marriage. We still went out with friends and partied. I had my cover band, so there were the gigs and after parties. We were never too crazy or anything, but we certainly weren’t focused on developing our faith.

After a house warming party in Austin in 2009 (2010?), we stumbled onto Jubilee Christian center, and our faith was never the same.

Neither of us had experienced a spirit-filled church before this. It was a wonderful Pastor and his Wife who led, and the congregation was multicultural and multi-class. This was a far cry from the upper middle class white congregations of my youth (in which a minority person would be accepted, but likely feel segregated based on the lack of diversity within).

Fast forward a year or two and we had begun actively sharing our faith. We realized that the highest purpose in our lives (and everyone’s lives) is to serve Christ. We realized our depravity without Christ, and our need for a marriage whose foundation was in Christ. And that’s where the troubles began.

It is often said that the closer you get to God, the more Satan tries to attack. This is the explanation for the high rate of preacher’s kids becoming hell raisers. In our case, we were in a job surrounded by unbelievers, and were at the same time experiencing backlash from our vocalizing of faith in our circles of friends and family.

It happened to me first, when my best friends of the past began to call me out for witnessing on Facebook and in person. Debates over what I said were initiated, posts were assumed to be directed at certain people (which never was the case), and general discord was sown. 

What initiated with friends soon leaked into family. I’ve always said the downside of Facebook is that everyone (myself included) feels safe to express all feelings, both political and spiritual, where they may have been reserved about doing so in person under normal circumstances.

I have been called out about a stance against sin, a stance against the religion of evolution, and numerous other things. I have seen family members encourage tolerance in favor of truth. The “let’s all just get along” attitude is a Byers mantra. 

The problem with this is that Juliet and I have no intention of losing sight of Christ. We desperately long for our families and friends to know what we know, and understand what we have come to understand. Both of us have “worldly” Christians and nonbelievers in our families. Facebook just makes it easier to debate/attack each other.

What I find more uncomfortable is the silence. I know that when she and I enter a room of family or friends, they are remembering the posts they disagreed with. They are considering whether or not we are still normal people, or if we’ve been brainwashed by our faith. I could list the stance of each family member and my assumption as to where they stand on the issue of Juliet and my faith, and probably be 95% accurate. The silence says everything. 


I know my family and friends find other things with which to occupy their lives. They fall on the faith in times of need, but for day-to-day it takes a backseat to activities, and the stresses of work. If only the world realized the comfort in approaching those aspects of life which we dread, with a Christ-focused mindset.

Don't get me wrong. My family is a blessing to me. But, while most are generally receptive to tolerating religious viewpoints, I would not be completely off base in my general assertion that religion, and specifically Christianity, makes a good majority of my family (and friends for that matter) uncomfortable.

How can something so inherently wonderful (gospel=good news), be so actively avoided? I don't know, and that frustrates me.

I wish my whole family was receptive to the message. How great it would be to not be afraid of certain conversations? How wonderful not to worry that those I love do not know Christ? They must see it as foolishness, or at best a great faith that, "works well for you but not for me." They see us wasting time worrying about something that is not relevant to them. 

Only a handful of friends and family have been directly supportive of our faith. Some have casually accepted it. Others have argued against it. The rest, are indifferent or not sure what to think. 

The Bible tells us that following Christ may cause friends and family to turn against us. It’s a sad truth, that could easily be avoided if the truth of the cross could break through the barriers that currently hold it back in our sinful generation. My prayer is that all of my immediate and extended family could come to know Christ. Not the Christ that the world presents, but the real Christ of the Bible. The Christ to whom we owe everything, and without whom we can never stand before a just and holy God.

In the end, I am told all I can do is pray. And so, my prayers continue. I know that my timeline for an answer to this issue is not the same as God's. I know that He works everything together for good for those who love HIm. It's a trial to overcome. A test of patience in an otherwise blessed existence. An existence of unmerited favor through mercy and grace to a lowly sinner who longs to see family and friends saved.