Obsession Confession

Esau Sells His Birthright

Once when Jacob was cooking stew, Esau came in from the field, and he was exhausted. And Esau said to Jacob, “Let me eat some of that red stew, for I am exhausted!” (Therefore his name was called Edom) 

Jacob said, “Sell me your birthright now.” 

Esau said, “I am about to die; of what use is a birthright to me?” 

Jacob said, “Swear to me now.” 

So he swore to him and sold his birthright to Jacob. Then Jacob gave Esau bread and lentil stew, and he ate and drank and rose and went his way. Thus Esau despised his birthright. (Gen 25:29-34)

I was thinking about obsession during my Bible reading the other night and this verse came to mind. I have recently become somewhat obsessed with fixing this old iMac. Mostly because it was working fine before a stupid mistake rendered it nearly useless. Yet, knowing it was working, I really want to get it fixed. And, not being able to do it, is bugging me, honestly, driving me nuts. It's a daily thought that invades, as I sit around thinking of what I haven't tried yet, or ways to fix it. I know basically what's wrong, but don't have the resources to fix it. And, I'd be willing to sell other things that I actually enjoy having, just for a chance to fix this. 

Obviously, my situation isn't exactly the same, but much like Esau with Jacob, I'm exhausted with the need to repair this. And, like Jacob, the internet is quite happy to offer me a variety of solutions, if only I would pay them. And, much like the stew, it would only be a temporary relief. It may not work at all, and that would overall be a loss. 

I believe that I have a bit of OCD. Not officially diagnosed, but it feels like it's there. I get an obsession over having or doing something, and can't really mentally rest until it's completed. That's why I don't like when Juliet tells me something at home isn't' working properly. If I can't fix it quick, it becomes my obsession to fix it. And, I get grumpy and unable to function at other tasks until it's resolved. 

In the story, Jacob is really not the best brother in basically telling Esau he can't eat unless he gives something of value to Jacob first. Since there weren't Burger Kings (I don't think), it's not like Esau had much more in the way of food options. And, if he was truly famished, Jacob could have been a bit more understanding.

But, the way I read it, when thinking of my own obsession over things, is that Esau was possibly overreacting. Was there really no other food available? Would Jacob have really let his brother starve? Couldn't Esau ask his mom to whip up some spaghetti? 

No, what this looks like to me is getting so focused on something he wanted, that it became a need to him. An obsession. And, giving away something of huge value in that day and time, was his resolution. Yet, right after, he regrets it.  

I'm wondering about my iMac obsession and how much mental effort it's really worth. And, I don't want to get so focused that I'd be willing to give up other important things to resolve it. 

What are you obsessing over? What "want" has become so forefront in your mind you've made it a "need"? 

Do not love the world or the things in the world (1 John 2:15-17 ).

But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death (James 1:14-15 )

Dwelling so much on a rather simple situation has the potential to become sin for me. If it hasn't already. I'm obsessing over a possession. I'm wanting to sacrifice resources to fix this possession. My intention is so that Hannah has something to play games on, and that it's just a cool thing to own. But, how important is that? Is it interfering with my daily time with God? With family time? With work time? With my mental well-being? 

Probably so, and in that respect, it becomes a slippery slope into the obsession over something  that is ultimately not important. I can fix it when the time is right, and when I get around to it. But, I shouldn't upset myself over not being able to do it in this exact moment. 

Esau could have used some time to contemplate how important the tasty stew really was in the grand scheme. And, compared to what he was giving up, he may have realized how silly that trade was going to be. 

I think the key to overcoming obsession in a practical way is perspective. Taking a step back to analyze how important the task or object we obsess over actually is. Pros and cons perhaps. How will pursuing this affect my relationships, and myself in general? 

Even while typing this out I'm feeling less drawn to the iMac issue. I'm gaining perspective by stepping back, and by the insight provided by this helpful Bible verse- which I'm sure by the prompting of the Holy Spirit was brought to my attention for this very reason. 

I hope it's a benefit and help to you all as well.