These are thoughts running through my head. In many cases in my own life, it seems to be the latter. I'll be going along and then some opportunity will come along that pushes me onward in my faith journey. An example of this would be last September when Matt asked me to help kick off Amen Austin church leading worship.
Or do we seek out God's will as in the case of Juliet? We made a plan (with prayer) and determined we would downsize our life style enough for her to pursue God's plan for her working in Mexico.
In the case of both, we were actively growing in our faith walk and/or helping others. Juliet is really just getting things kicked off down there even 3 months later, but she finally enjoys something that she is doing.
In my own case, I grew more from September-April leading worship at a church than I could've anticipated. In another example of God's will finding me, I was thrust into position of "leader" for the mission trip to Acuña, MX back in March.
So, you might say we both found God's will, or let's say "direction" in different ways, and at different times.
But, my question now becomes, how do I remain in God's will once it appears that I am in it? An odd sounding question for sure, but my question nonetheless.
See, as we began planning to follow God's call to downsize so Juliet could answer the call in Mexico, I was thrust into circumstances at work beyond my control which made it not possible to attend church at all, let alone lead worship. So, as we began the search for God's will in Juliet's life, he seems to have sidelined me to cheer her on in my own walk.
And, though I like thinking of it like that (her cheerleader as it were), it's hard not to wonder why God could not also still be using me in the same capacity as before.
Are there seasons of doing God's will , and seasons of cheering for others? Or did the lack of church and regular worship put me in a distracted funk where I dedicate more focus to TV and video games than my previous theological pursuits?
I tend to thrive on church. And while these days that is somewhat taboo even among Christians (who worship Jesus, not the institution), I think their is validity in a personal relationship with Christ, which also retains an element of the community of believers that is His church.
One thing I miss most about the past year is fellowship with other believers. It's not that I can't pick up my Bible or pray alone, but I learned this past year that the support of others doing the same thing with you can be quite uplifting.
I think that while I tend to be a loner in terms of socializing, the one area where that is not the case is within the body of believers. I seem to thrive on mutual support and encouragement. Does that mean I'm still insecure in my faith? Maybe a little.
I have yet to understand what it is to live fully for God. I have moments, even months sometimes where that is my primary focus. Other months, however I seem to be in good shape if I just manage my daily Bible reading (and I'm a month behind on that now). I know Christians still have day jobs. But could the pull to daily be focused on kingdom building be God pushing me to some kind of ministry? That's my only guess. Because as fulfilling as working a decent day job can be, I feel like is rather be working directly for God, building and preaching His kingdom.
But, I am a lowly sinner. How can one be called to something when as soon as the winds of change blow, they get sidetracked and unfocused? What is the purpose in my work schedule changing in such a way that for at least 3 months I've been without corporate worship?
Back to the first question, Are we meant to seek out God's will? Or does it tend to actively find us? Could it be that because in all my past experiences God has dropped things in my lap, that when he lets me loose on my own to seek Him, I am unable? Does a child who has everything provided for then grow up knowing instinctively how to fend for himself, or is there a seeking element there? A learning process. Is it possible that while God loves to get the ball rolling (so to speak) with opportunity, we are meant to continually seek the growth and maintenance of said opportunity? Instead of sitting around waiting for God to throw the next bone, are we (in prayer) supposed to step out and seek His will as well? It would certainly be in keeping with His character. Growth through change (and sometimes trial) will teach us to stand firm with God when the winds of change, distraction or sin blow out way.
So, then, if the answer to the question appears to be a little of both, does it shift one way or another more in us individually? Am I given opportunity so that God can teach me that it is there and that I should seek His will daily whether or not he sets it out for me? And for someone like Juliet (hypothetically) is she already such a good seeker of God's will that the possibility for random blessing and opportunity is not needed? Or could it be that being a seeker and doer of God's will, she could always use a good dose of reliance and trust on Him as well. A reminder that while it is wise to seek God's will, we do nothing without trust in Him. Oddly, the seeker may be seeking the very thing that for the receiver God would simply place there to get the ball rolling.
So, for example, if God drops an opportunity to serve leading worship, or even missions, and I take it, and cherish the idea of it, but tend to be blown about by winds of change and distraction, God must place me in new situations where I need to be more active than passive. Does this mean that this past year I was being passive in the roles in whih I was placed?
Honestly, looking back, it is possible. It seemed to be God's will and became comfortable in it. But, could I have put more effort into the music? Could I have engaged more people to sign up for mission trips? Did my naturally tendency for procrastination simply manifest itself in God activities instead of Chris activities? Perhaps, though I confess I did put time and effort into both, maybe I did not put enough in to show I was a ready and willing servant.
Now, laying here about to go to work tomorrow at a good job, but not a God job, I have to wonder of my current season is a product of my own doing? Like the benched player who did not put in enough effort to get on the field, I'm happy for the other players (Juliet) and support the "team" wholeheartedly in a victory, but being on the bench by one's own doing can sometimes still be painful.
Is that what is going on? I'm not too sure. In September, one year after having the great opportunities to grow and lead, I sit at a crossroads. What if my distraction and laziness puts me back on the bench for another 6 months? I certainly haven't proved I can run with the ball being on the bench since April. Or, will God perhaps grant me, in His mercy, the chance to try again? To really, fully come into His ministry. Am I called to do so? Or am I meant to at least have days free to worship and commune with other believers while holding a regular day job?
I'm sure I could be fine either way. And if any of the events since April which caused me to not be able to go to church whatsoever were my own doing then I am sorry. If, however, they were a time to learn even the small kernel of truth this writing has brought to my mind- that we must actively seek God in every opportunity in which we find ourselves-, or to bring me back to remembrance of just how much I need God and fellowship with Him, then it will have been time well spent.
But, please God let me get back in the "game" eventually. I'm thankful for Juliet and her chance to serve you, and I do not want my own ambitions for your will to take away from her ministry, but I too am ready to serve again. Where will you lead me? Am I to wait on you in trust, or would you have me seek out your will around me? Will it be a mix of both? Whatever the way, Your will be done! Amen
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