2018 got off to a great start, and is nearly over with that same great feeling. The in between, at times wonderful, at times scary, and at times, a low point, but ultimately all worked together.
January kicked off with Hannah's first birthday and a celebration with family and friends. It's hard to believe how much she's grown now in just 12 months. She's so wonderful, and watching her grow has been exciting.
February and March as I recall flowed along just fine, nothing too wild. We began going to Crosspointe at that time if I remember, and that alone has led to 2018 being one of the best overall years in memory. Having a church family is such a crucial part of our lives, and when we are ever temporarily without, there's a definite feeling of something missing.
April is where we got our first scare with Hannah having a febrile seizure (not as dire as we thought at the time), and roseola rash afterwards. It began as a fever and escalated quickly. The shouts from the other room while I was working in my office, and the panicked rush to the ER are seared into my brain, and I honestly with they were not.
Because of April's scare, the following months were pretty rough for me.
I developed severe anxiety over the incident. I was still working 1p-10p with Juliet working part time at the vet, so I had Hannah every day from 8a-1p, and Juliet would take over when home. I was so distraught and anxious over the ER visit, that most of May and June were spent parking Hannah in front of the TV, while I monitored her from the couch, looking for the slightest hint of danger, and barely letting her go outside or do anything remotely "adventurous" for fear of an incident.
It was all me, but I think May through the middle/end of June were some of the lowest and darkest points of my life. The depression which I had already had for years, got stacked in with the worst anxiety I'd ever experienced, and I basically became a sleeping, eating, worrying shell. My personality and everything were hidden under the veneer of fear and worry I built for myself.
But, thankfully, I work for a company which values its employees' health and work/life balance enough to offer the benefit of paid time away for health. By using our Employee Assistance Program, and benefits, I was able to take a month off to adjust to new medicines I had received after visiting a psychiatrist about my anxiety. The paid month off was probably not as relaxing as I'd anticipated, as much of it was adjusting to new medicine, and trying to figure that out, while still gradually decreasing in anxiety (which wasn't fully gone yet). But, it helped to be away from work, not worrying about money or my job when I got back, and focusing on my health.
And, I think that's what kickstarted the rest of a stellar year. Despite that down point in the middle, by time August rolled back around, and the Wesley worship services kicked back in, I was a new man, and Hannah was no longer my anxiety prisoner forced only to watch tv and not play too hard while she was with Dad in mornings.
I also got back on a day shift (always forget how much better this is after doing nights for awhile), and Juliet, who had sensed a calling from God for many months prior, finally took the leap of faith and quit her part time job to be a full time mom to Hannah during her developmental years.
Because of our membership at Crosspointe, we also began developing more relationships outside of ourselves during this time. We began connecting with like minded believers, and Juliet basically became an essential volunteer for various things around the church. I continued with the Wesley, and found myself more motivated than ever with a full band setup, and song lists planned ahead to avoid last minute worry.
The manager I had during my low times this year, is also my manager now, and he has been a huge support, and continues to be now, which keeps me able to work well and do a good job, while still focusing on family and home.
We learned something else this year, a tidbit I'll continue to share with anyone willing to listen. Our pastor did a 6-8 week series on managing money as a Christian- not to encourage us to give the church money- but to encourage us to view our money from God's perspective, not a worldly perspective. Yes, tithing is involved, but the idea is more that we learn to become cheerful givers, outside of tithing. That we look for opportunities to reach out or to share our time, talent, finances, or other things to help those around us.
It starts, though, with a step of faith which Juliet and I have known about for years, but only practiced off and on. Tithing. For the Christian, you can argue that a tithe is not "required", but I've learned over the years this is a pretty shallow argument, and usually just a way to hold on tighter to our money. The concept which has really brought the idea back into focus is that 10% of our income, anything gained whether it's money from paycheck, family, etc... 10% off the top is God's. No questions, it's done. What's left, gets diligently used towards bills and needs. And, ideally, with some left over, we look for opportunities to be a blessing to others, not by just giving money (though that can be one option), but in other things too.
The key to this is that by putting our faith in God up front, saying "here is a portion of what we have, we know You don't need it, but we are giving this to You out of faith that you will provide for our needs," has been revolutionary. And yet, at first, it wasn't easy. I think the expectation- due often to the false prosperity gospels that permeate culture- is that you tithe so that God will rain down money from Heaven. And, that's not the concept at all. Not to say it can't happen, but that's not why you do it.
The tithe, which should be put towards the church at which you are a member, is creating a foundation of giving that helps release the grip that money can have on our lives. And, for the first couple weeks, we tithed diligently, and God provided. By "provided" I mean God provided exactly what we needed to get by and nothing more. Our worldly minds were tempted to think the tithing was a bad idea. We could have used that extra money for things. But, despite having near $0 in the bank a couple of times this year, we always had diapers, food, gas, and whatever else one would call a "need."
By faith, we pushed forward, and gradually now we are seeing that in trusting us at first with a little, God has now begun to entrust us with more. We're not sailing on yachts by any means, but we've managed to have our needs provided for, get Christmas gifts for our family, fix some vehicle needs, pay off some excess debt, and still comfortably get by and pay our bills on time. Money isn't raining down from the sky, but God has provided in little ways consistently. And, this considering we lost about $600/month in income when Juliet left her part time job.
I mention all of this to say, in doing this small step of faith in our Christian walk, we have also grown in our trust of God. Had this been our level of trust earlier this year, perhaps the anxiety I experienced would not have been so intense. However, even if that wasn't the case, and the anxiety would still have been there, it was as Paul said to the Corinthians that we go through trials of various kinds so we can help others who are experiencing the same things.
What I've experienced this year, from the high points to the lowest points has only further verified for me that God is in charge, and that our ultimate goal in all we do, should be to bring Him glory. Call it religious brainwashing, or pie in the sky, but for anyone who is a Christian, it should not sound all that unusual. It's what is preached constantly, and yet, something we often fail to see.
For many, and for us, the limitation of this trust was overcoming our battle with money, and our desire to constantly have more. Money is not inherently evil, though the love of money can lead very easily to reliance on self versus God. For a non-Christian, this lines up just fine with their worldview, and I can understand why this would seem silly, or maybe pouring money into a "broken system" where pastors drive luxury vehicles while the poor starve. But, that's not the case, and looking past the headlines that emphasize these occasional Christian missteps (rather large at times), we see that the concept of being a cheerful giver is the under arching principle. Helping others when we're able. Even if the bank says $0, there is always something we can do to be a blessing to someone. It's not always about money, but when we are responsible with a little, God can trust us with more.
Money is not my theme of the year, but I think it's a concept that so often drives our perspective of the year's events, that it's important here that I point out our success with learning to become cheerful givers and diligent servants of God, balancing the need and the want, yet still leaving room for the occasional gift or splurge. For example, Hannah's seizure required a helicopter ride to OKC that was going to be $46,00 before insurance. I knew we wouldn't have to pay that amount, since I have insurance, but I knew it would still be costly. Yet, I continued to trust God that it would not be such a huge burden to add to our existing debts and bills. Months went by as the insurance company and helicopter place negotiated. When the final bill came, we owed less than $2000. And, while that's still being paid gradually, I didn't want to let that burden of a bill ruin our year, or lead me to believe it hadn't been worth $100,000 if that's what it took to make sure Hannah was okay.
Ultimately, this year, Trusting God, being with family and friends, loving those around us, being a blessing where we can, are the things that make a year great. We're closing out the year on a high note, yet we understand more fully now, that even the occasional low note is not the end of the story. It's simply one chapter that once passed, will yield a lesson or some good. We may live in a sin-tarred world, and bad things may happen all of the time, but God works out all things for the good of those who love Him. Though sorrows may last through the night, the joy of the Lord comes in the morning.
Here is to a blessed 2019! I'm excited for its possibilities, and trust God will provide and be with us every step of the way.
God Bless, friends!
January kicked off with Hannah's first birthday and a celebration with family and friends. It's hard to believe how much she's grown now in just 12 months. She's so wonderful, and watching her grow has been exciting.
February and March as I recall flowed along just fine, nothing too wild. We began going to Crosspointe at that time if I remember, and that alone has led to 2018 being one of the best overall years in memory. Having a church family is such a crucial part of our lives, and when we are ever temporarily without, there's a definite feeling of something missing.
April is where we got our first scare with Hannah having a febrile seizure (not as dire as we thought at the time), and roseola rash afterwards. It began as a fever and escalated quickly. The shouts from the other room while I was working in my office, and the panicked rush to the ER are seared into my brain, and I honestly with they were not.
Because of April's scare, the following months were pretty rough for me.
 |
| Most expensive photo ever, but worth it to make sure she was okay. |
I developed severe anxiety over the incident. I was still working 1p-10p with Juliet working part time at the vet, so I had Hannah every day from 8a-1p, and Juliet would take over when home. I was so distraught and anxious over the ER visit, that most of May and June were spent parking Hannah in front of the TV, while I monitored her from the couch, looking for the slightest hint of danger, and barely letting her go outside or do anything remotely "adventurous" for fear of an incident.
It was all me, but I think May through the middle/end of June were some of the lowest and darkest points of my life. The depression which I had already had for years, got stacked in with the worst anxiety I'd ever experienced, and I basically became a sleeping, eating, worrying shell. My personality and everything were hidden under the veneer of fear and worry I built for myself.
But, thankfully, I work for a company which values its employees' health and work/life balance enough to offer the benefit of paid time away for health. By using our Employee Assistance Program, and benefits, I was able to take a month off to adjust to new medicines I had received after visiting a psychiatrist about my anxiety. The paid month off was probably not as relaxing as I'd anticipated, as much of it was adjusting to new medicine, and trying to figure that out, while still gradually decreasing in anxiety (which wasn't fully gone yet). But, it helped to be away from work, not worrying about money or my job when I got back, and focusing on my health.
And, I think that's what kickstarted the rest of a stellar year. Despite that down point in the middle, by time August rolled back around, and the Wesley worship services kicked back in, I was a new man, and Hannah was no longer my anxiety prisoner forced only to watch tv and not play too hard while she was with Dad in mornings.
I also got back on a day shift (always forget how much better this is after doing nights for awhile), and Juliet, who had sensed a calling from God for many months prior, finally took the leap of faith and quit her part time job to be a full time mom to Hannah during her developmental years.
Because of our membership at Crosspointe, we also began developing more relationships outside of ourselves during this time. We began connecting with like minded believers, and Juliet basically became an essential volunteer for various things around the church. I continued with the Wesley, and found myself more motivated than ever with a full band setup, and song lists planned ahead to avoid last minute worry.
 |
| Crosspointe Ada Logo |
The manager I had during my low times this year, is also my manager now, and he has been a huge support, and continues to be now, which keeps me able to work well and do a good job, while still focusing on family and home.
We learned something else this year, a tidbit I'll continue to share with anyone willing to listen. Our pastor did a 6-8 week series on managing money as a Christian- not to encourage us to give the church money- but to encourage us to view our money from God's perspective, not a worldly perspective. Yes, tithing is involved, but the idea is more that we learn to become cheerful givers, outside of tithing. That we look for opportunities to reach out or to share our time, talent, finances, or other things to help those around us.
It starts, though, with a step of faith which Juliet and I have known about for years, but only practiced off and on. Tithing. For the Christian, you can argue that a tithe is not "required", but I've learned over the years this is a pretty shallow argument, and usually just a way to hold on tighter to our money. The concept which has really brought the idea back into focus is that 10% of our income, anything gained whether it's money from paycheck, family, etc... 10% off the top is God's. No questions, it's done. What's left, gets diligently used towards bills and needs. And, ideally, with some left over, we look for opportunities to be a blessing to others, not by just giving money (though that can be one option), but in other things too.
The key to this is that by putting our faith in God up front, saying "here is a portion of what we have, we know You don't need it, but we are giving this to You out of faith that you will provide for our needs," has been revolutionary. And yet, at first, it wasn't easy. I think the expectation- due often to the false prosperity gospels that permeate culture- is that you tithe so that God will rain down money from Heaven. And, that's not the concept at all. Not to say it can't happen, but that's not why you do it.
The tithe, which should be put towards the church at which you are a member, is creating a foundation of giving that helps release the grip that money can have on our lives. And, for the first couple weeks, we tithed diligently, and God provided. By "provided" I mean God provided exactly what we needed to get by and nothing more. Our worldly minds were tempted to think the tithing was a bad idea. We could have used that extra money for things. But, despite having near $0 in the bank a couple of times this year, we always had diapers, food, gas, and whatever else one would call a "need."
By faith, we pushed forward, and gradually now we are seeing that in trusting us at first with a little, God has now begun to entrust us with more. We're not sailing on yachts by any means, but we've managed to have our needs provided for, get Christmas gifts for our family, fix some vehicle needs, pay off some excess debt, and still comfortably get by and pay our bills on time. Money isn't raining down from the sky, but God has provided in little ways consistently. And, this considering we lost about $600/month in income when Juliet left her part time job.
I mention all of this to say, in doing this small step of faith in our Christian walk, we have also grown in our trust of God. Had this been our level of trust earlier this year, perhaps the anxiety I experienced would not have been so intense. However, even if that wasn't the case, and the anxiety would still have been there, it was as Paul said to the Corinthians that we go through trials of various kinds so we can help others who are experiencing the same things.
What I've experienced this year, from the high points to the lowest points has only further verified for me that God is in charge, and that our ultimate goal in all we do, should be to bring Him glory. Call it religious brainwashing, or pie in the sky, but for anyone who is a Christian, it should not sound all that unusual. It's what is preached constantly, and yet, something we often fail to see.
For many, and for us, the limitation of this trust was overcoming our battle with money, and our desire to constantly have more. Money is not inherently evil, though the love of money can lead very easily to reliance on self versus God. For a non-Christian, this lines up just fine with their worldview, and I can understand why this would seem silly, or maybe pouring money into a "broken system" where pastors drive luxury vehicles while the poor starve. But, that's not the case, and looking past the headlines that emphasize these occasional Christian missteps (rather large at times), we see that the concept of being a cheerful giver is the under arching principle. Helping others when we're able. Even if the bank says $0, there is always something we can do to be a blessing to someone. It's not always about money, but when we are responsible with a little, God can trust us with more.
Money is not my theme of the year, but I think it's a concept that so often drives our perspective of the year's events, that it's important here that I point out our success with learning to become cheerful givers and diligent servants of God, balancing the need and the want, yet still leaving room for the occasional gift or splurge. For example, Hannah's seizure required a helicopter ride to OKC that was going to be $46,00 before insurance. I knew we wouldn't have to pay that amount, since I have insurance, but I knew it would still be costly. Yet, I continued to trust God that it would not be such a huge burden to add to our existing debts and bills. Months went by as the insurance company and helicopter place negotiated. When the final bill came, we owed less than $2000. And, while that's still being paid gradually, I didn't want to let that burden of a bill ruin our year, or lead me to believe it hadn't been worth $100,000 if that's what it took to make sure Hannah was okay.
Ultimately, this year, Trusting God, being with family and friends, loving those around us, being a blessing where we can, are the things that make a year great. We're closing out the year on a high note, yet we understand more fully now, that even the occasional low note is not the end of the story. It's simply one chapter that once passed, will yield a lesson or some good. We may live in a sin-tarred world, and bad things may happen all of the time, but God works out all things for the good of those who love Him. Though sorrows may last through the night, the joy of the Lord comes in the morning.
Here is to a blessed 2019! I'm excited for its possibilities, and trust God will provide and be with us every step of the way.
God Bless, friends!
