Peace in the Silence

An often overlooked, but significant historical period is the silent period between the two testaments in the Bible. In this 400 years of silence, God is moving people and nations to a point where they will be ready to receive Christ and his plan for salvation to all men who call upon the name of the Lord. It is a period where no prophets in Israel are speaking. Ending with Malachi's book in the Old Testament we enter a 400 year silent period until John the Baptist comes on the scene as the forerunner of Jesus.

I mention this because lately, I feel I'm in the midst of my own silent period. For nearly the whole year, I've been struggling to find satisfaction in various areas of life. The primary one in which this manifested was work.

I love my job, but from about November to June, I had entered a bit of a funk. Circumstances over which I had no control took me from excelling and being a leader, to barely wanting to show up for anything but the paycheck. Most of this was self-induced.

I allowed 1 part envy, 1 part selfishness and 2 parts lack of trust in God, color my personality for nearly a year. For the most part, it affected work in a non-detrimental way. That is, I still performed my daily function and did what I had to do. Considering what a God-send this job had been in the first place it was really pretty bad of me to be frustrated and disappointed.

As this year brought multiple trials, I found it hard to focus at work. I wasn't getting enough time with Juliet, and much of my time at work was spent thinking about her, and things I had forgotten to talk to her about during the little time we were together each night.

For weekends, I had plenty of time, but during work days, I slept too much. For most days, I would average 10 hours or more, when really 6-8 would have sufficed. I would leave home dreading the night at work. And, it wasn't even busy at work. Maybe that is why I had all the time to think, and dwell on things that I was unhappy about.

So, in July for our 6th anniversary, we made a trip to Oklahoma to visit my family. My stepmom suggested that I try to get a more concise, regulated sleep schedule. This would allow me my 6-8 hour daily, but also free up 4 hours a night with Juliet to interact. Now instead of about 12 hours a week together, we'd average closer to 40.

We came back and I immediately implemented the new sleep schedule to great effect. Though Juliet's schedule conflicted sometimes, I managed to stick very close to my 9a-5p sleep. At work, I began to enjoy my time again because I was rested, and had plenty of interaction at home with Juliet.

For August, I had one of my more productive months thus far. I credit it to the change in sleep and spouse interaction.

So, what does this have to do with a silent period?

Well, in the midst of my disappointments from the November- June period, one of my Christian brothers at work was excelling at the job. He began steadily climbing the ranks without really seeming to seek it out. We had spoken a lot about our faith, and he seemed to have much more trust in God's plan than I did. He just prayed, read the word daily and focused on his job while he was here.

He wasn't sullen over missed opportunities, or envious of those around him. He just buckled down and did what was required. He lived out Colossians 3:23 and Ephesians 6:7.

Now, I look at the current situation, and he has been blessed with even more responsibility. It's great because we get along well at work and really build each other up in Christian brotherly love. He learns from me, and I learn from him. And, in this instance, I am truly excited for him and what God is doing in his life.

So, the other night as I sat back reflecting on the upward trend my work life and personal life is taking after a big slump, I realized that I am in the midst of a silent period.

God is moving in my life behind the scenes setting up something that I can only imagine is magnificent. There is this urge deep within me to study theological matters and equip myself with information about what I believe. In the midst of that, I also have a strong pull to get out and do more good for people. I feel like letting my light shine by action so that my faith will shine as well.

If God had placed me where I wanted to be back in November, I don't really think I would have been ready. Even now,  I can see I have many personal things to learn and grow with before being responsible over others. In the midst of my buddy's promotion of sorts, I can see God working things together for my good  as well (Rom 8:28).

So, just as Israel likely contemplated what was to come during the 400 years of God's silence, I too contemplate the blessings and growth that awaits. I have no idea what is happening behind the scenes, but I know things are working. I am trying to pray daily now for a spirit of humility. I pray to be rid of my spirit of selfishness and envy. I want to humble myself at work and at home to be the best I can be, so that when God says, "go!" I will be ready and able.

So, in this blessed silence, God and I have grown closer. They say the closer you grow to God the more aware of your failings you become. This sounds bad at first, but is really a blessed truth. By realizing my failings and shortcomings, I can learn to rely better on God. I can put my trust where it should be placed, instead of in man or myself.

There's an old Christian song we used to sing in church that said something like this:

So I wait for you, So I wait for you
I'm falling on my knees, offering all of me
Jesus you're all this heart is living for.

I think sometimes Tom Petty is right about "the Waiting" being the hardest part, but I know God is busy moving me into a position in life where I can be of best use to the kingdom. People and nations are moving for the good of those who love and trust in him. And, for now, I find peace in that silence.