Hard Times: Getting Better

FIRST THOUGHTS

Well, the year is a little over half way finished and thus far, it's been a rough one. I'll be honest about that. This year has given Juliet and me more trial than any year previously in our marriage. I sit here thinking about the various things that have happened, but for the first time, I actually feel optimistic. That seems odd to me and probably others, but let's see if I can break it down.

I'll try to address briefly the "troubles" we've run into, and why I think overcoming them and moving forward has ultimately been a good experience. This should end up being a positive blog, so stay tuned. It's a bit more personal than my usual theological ones, so everyone can buckle in for the ride.

TRIALS AND TROUBLES

The year began decent enough, but by mid January, Juliet was having to take FMLA and two weeks off work to stay with her mom who was having some medical issues. While getting her mom back on track was important to her, the event itself was a source of stress. But, on the positive side, she got some quality family time with just her and the family for the first time since we've been married. I got two weeks of eating like an idiot (see: Bachelor diet), and everybody won.

Things began to pick up when we discovered she was pregnant after getting back home. We were excited to be having our first child, and so most of February was actually quite nice. By the end, we took a lot of PTO and did what I called, "The Pregnancy Tour," in which we made a trip down to Mexico, and then straight back to Oklahoma, visiting all of the immediate families to share the good news.

Another unexpected positive note was my mom's decision to apply for an Austin job, and find out that not only would they hire her (after some months of unemployment due to layoff), but she would be making her same previous salary and have the same job as before. That was a blessing for her I'm sure, but we loved the idea of her and my stepdad Joe being closer too.

March started off great because mom was now close. We had weekly grilling dinners, and loved that family time.

Then, Juliet's birthday approached. She has had notoriously bad birthdays since I've known her. Something is always going wrong, and this one certainly took the cake. I won't go into it again, but those who haven't already can read all about it in my other blog post, "Joy Comes in the Mourning".

Following the miscarriage, we realized that we had only grown stronger in our relationship, and the sharing of the details of it (see above post), was a great way to open the topic and find out that many others had shared the same heartbreaking experience. Support poured in, and I culminated that tough week with my Baptism at our church in Leander, TX. The public expression of my faith in Christ, now that I understood what it really meant, was a great joy in the midst of the worst trial we have faced so far in our marriage.

As things began to get back to normal for us, my stepmom, Kristen, began having major medical issues of her own. She had been unwell since earlier in February, and even during our "pregnancy tour" she was feeling slightly under the weather. I got the texts from my dad discussing her being moved to ICU, and knew I had to help out however I could.

I called in for the week and got to Muskogee to help out with my younger brother Michael, so that my dad could be with Kristen during what was I'm sure a horrible time for her. They have both told me how much my visit helped, and that they were very thankful for it. So, in the midst of more trial, we grew closer to family and in the end, she recovered.

The pattern I notice here is that despite a trial coming, there is always some happiness that follows. I believe God can use trial in our lives to grow us spiritually. In the midst of struggle, we realize just how small we are, and learn to rely on God for our needs. It's a beautiful thing.

In the midst of all of the toughness of the year, Juliet and I were still doing ok at home in the day-to-day. Our schedules have never lined up much except for our days off (Sun/Mon) so we made use of that time as best we could. Sundays were filled with church (a good thing for us) and life group meetings, so we ended up with mostly Mondays for one-on-one time. Our weekly dinners with mom and Joe died down a little bit with schedule conflicts, but we still made an effort to meet up when we could.

I know now that for Juliet, the time I felt was making the year more positive, still held a weight for her. The miscarriage had been discussed and we had prayed together and moved forward, but as many people told me, it is often hardest for the woman in those instances to fully get beyond the pain. Because of my work schedule, I was sleeping an enormous amount of the week, so we really never had quality time to sit down and talk it out further. At this point, there are still things we could likely discuss, and as I'll show by the end of this writing, we've started implementing some great ideas to help that take place.

Throughout all of this I can say for sure that Sundays and church were a big part of what kept us going. That boost at the beginning of the week, and the fellowship, helped carry us on a positive note, even when the work week was less than perfect.

To sum up a bit, throughout this year there have been a lot of little inconveniences and problems as well, and because of the nature of the year up to those points, we have both been focusing a bit more on the negative.

The best example is yesterday, when Puggy got sick without warning. Since it could have been a number of things wrong, we had to opt for x-rays and various other vet expenses to get the peace of mind of having him healthy again. For those who don't know, our two puppies are probably our most treasured possessions (if we could even call them that) so any change in them, causes immediate stress in us. Somewhat like a mom and dad with a sick child I imagine.

Juliet has taken these little events much harder, and has pointed out that as soon as we seem to be making progress towards positive things, something negative jumps in and derails us temporarily. The word I'm hoping we can both focus on there is "temporarily."

POSITIVE CHANGES

We had a great relaxing weekend in Oklahoma for our anniversary. We got to spend time alone with my Dad, Kristen and Michael without having to rush back and forth across the state to split our time with my mom and Joe since they are now closer to us in Austin. We lounged by the pool, had an exquisite dinner, and just spent some quality time together.

On the Saturday night that we were there, my stepmom Kristen was talking to us until about 2 in the morning. Her advice and suggestions have been driving me towards a positive attitude the past 3 days of being back home because the ideas were things we hadn't really taken the time to think about to that point.

I know that over time these suggestions will help our lives tremendously and buy us much more valuable time together, even during busy weeks.

The first step she suggested was implementing a more strict sleeping schedule for me. I've basically turned into a sloth since beginning to work overnights, and my times of sleep were as unpredictable as my mood if I hadn't got enough (not crazy, but definitely some grumpy). This would cause Juliet to have to wonder each weeknight if we'd have any time together or if I'd just be back in bed sleeping until the minute I had to get up for work.

So Kristen suggested that no matter what during the week, I sleep no later than 9am, and wake up no later than 5pm. It's 8 hours of pure sleep, followed by 4 hours of quality time with Juliet before getting ready to go to work. On Sundays, we implement a strict nap for me after church, and try to keep at least a couple Sunday nights free during the month to stay up spending time together. We've had only 3 days so far to implement it, and the Puggy issue did almost derail it, but so far I've managed 9 or 9:15-5pm each day, and felt more refreshed and consistent. My nights at work have seemed more productive and my sales have improved a bit. Juliet and I get dinner together and time to take a walk, or even sit down for a viewing of our current favorite show, "Master Chef."

Her week has been more stressful thus far, so her view of this implementation is still somewhat of a mystery to me, but I know that having 40 hours a week with her now, versus the 12 hours we had figured prior, will eventually have a great impact.

We have re-designated cleaning tasks, and with some patience from her, I've managed to start doing quick scans for basic housework, instead of overloading myself with tasks she'd rather do herself. This allows me to get sleep on time as well, instead of doing chores to make up for not seeing her as much.

That's how I was doing it. On the weekends we'd go waste money at restaurants because I wanted to make up for not spending time with her during the week. Or, during the week I'd stay up until noon or later doing laundry and then have to sleep right up until 9pm to get my 8 hours in. Often I'd still sleep 10-12 hours a day just because I felt like I could.

The second half of our plan for growth is to really get on the same page financially and start eliminating our mountain of debt, so we can start having savings in place for emergencies like the couple that have happened already this year.

My dad gave me the book "Total Money Makeover," by Dave Ramsey, and so far I'm loving it. I can't wait for my next paycheck so I can start implementing the budget systems and getting rid of our debt. Kristen did a better job of explaining our finances to Juliet than I had ever done, and so she is finally on the same page as me. If we can buckle down, we'll take away yet another burden that constantly weighs on us.

GOING FORWARD

I know the rest of the year will have ups and downs. And I know every year will likely be the same. I am excited; however, because for the first time, we have some plans in place to really start keeping our day-to-day lives more positive and growing in our relationship. Next year will be the 7 year anniversary (married 7/7/7), and I'm so thankful for every moment so far I've got with her.

This blog, in a way, is written for her. I know right now that she is struggling with all of the issues that have happened this year. I know she feels further from God than before, though we are more active than ever in the church. My prayer is that she can sit back a moment and see the bigger perspective. I can't relieve her pain or hurt, only God can. But I pray that she begins to see the blessing that this year has really been on us. Our trials and troubles have only made us stronger, and given us resolve to really step up and make a positive change in our lives.

As we move forward we are mutually excited about a few upcoming possibilities. There is the prospect of her citizenship (once we get the $680 fee to apply). There are the mission trips to Mexico and India which we hope to attend at some point in the next year or so. There is prospect of a visit from my dad for Labor Day, and the fun things we can do then. Life is truly still a blessing. In the midst of the storm, it's hard to see land ahead. But, we sail on, trusting that God will carry our ship safely to shore. It's that trust in God, and in our relationship, that will ultimately help us arrive safely to the end of a rough year, and to instill in us the resolve to always carry on, even when things seem hard.

I love you Juliet, hang in there, we'll make it through ok.

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I wrote this song in one of the first years of our marriage, and she tells me it's her favorite. I think it's quite fitting for this topic.

The Great Commission Conundrum

This is how I feel I am perceived sometimes when I talk about God...

"Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, 'all authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.'" Matthew 28:16-20

The passage above is what Christians refer to as the Great Commission. It is Jesus' last words to his remaining disciples following his resurrection and prior to his ascension back to heaven. It is why churches do mission work. It is why churches evangelize. It is why Christians, regardless of denomination or church affiliation are called to spread the good news. And, to me, it is the most difficult and frustrating aspect of the entire Christian walk. Let's get real for a minute.

I realize that saying the purpose of Christianity is the most difficult aspect seems a bit off. And, it's not that I dislike that aspect. On the contrary, I can see no greater pursuit in this current life than to spread the good news of Jesus Christ. 

Obviously these days, suggesting that evangelizing is a good way to live one's life is a good way to get people to laugh at you. 

"Pursuit of happiness is life's purpose," they might say. "Follow your heart and live for today!"

These sentiments, while common, are certainly empty in their promises. It is secular man's way of coping with the inevitibility of death, and the seeming unknown that awaits after this life. Christians have hope in what awaits after this life, and so we see these empty cliches for what they are. Simple societal fluff, without much foundation. 

Sure we can try to be happier, or to make more money to have more stable lives, but our sole purpose should be using whatever gifts and talents we have been blessed with to honor and pursue Christ, and to spread the news of his sacrifice. 

This brings me to my frustration. As it turns out (and I'm pretty sure Jesus mentioned it) the world is not entirely receptable to this message of hope. In fact, it is downright against it in many cases. That isn't to say there aren't people willing to listen to our words. That isn't even to say some of the most die hard anti-Christian people have not been brought to an understanding and faith in Christ. It is possible, as with God all things are possible. That doesn't mean though, that everyone on this earth will come to God. 

The reality of the gospel is that it has the power to draw people near to God, and to harden them further away. 

Look at Pharaoh in Moses' day. Though God further hardened it, Pharaoh was already hardening his heart to God's message. It wouldn't matter who tried to compel him for God, he wouldn't have gone that route. 

Similarly, when we pursue those who don't believe, we must realize that not everyone will believe. Christ said in the passage above that "some doubted." It is expected that we cannot reach everyone.

Christians have tried numerous methods over time to draw in those to faith in Christ, with measured success and failure. I'll list some of the more well known below:

1. Apologetics (A good way): I would define it this way: A pursuit that seeks to answer every (or nearly every) question an unbeliever may have about the faith in order to sway his or her opinion and bring them to a realization of Christ. 

I'll be honest, this has been my method of choice for awhile. In my heart, I felt that being able to logically answer the objections to the faith (where apologetics comes from: to defend the faith), I could sway the opinions of my loved ones. 

It is a noble pursuit, but certainly not the only means for spreading the gospel. There are some great ministries out there that make this their primary focus, and in all honesty, they do reach many. 

What frustrates me about this approach though, is that even the most logical argument for Christianity, will not necessarily cut to the heart of the listener. It's great for getting to the head, but the heart often still rebels, and apologetics, unless the Spirit intervenes, cannot always reach those people. 

Our church is about to participate in a great campaign throughout the Austin area called "Explore God." It's a great idea, and the fact that 250 different churches have agreed and come together on this one thing is a miracle in itself. During the promotion of it, pastors will be preaching on some of the tough questions posed by those outside of the faith. Even now at "http://www.exploregod.com, there are numerous questions and answers posted. 

The idea is to equip Christians (however knowledgeable about their faith) to be able to have an honest, simple conversation with someone who doesn't believe. Listening is the big part of it, and not engaging in grand theological apologetic debates will play into the more heart directed aspect. The idea is giving a willing ear, explaining our stories and why we believe, and just loving the person in fellowship. 

In a city like Austin, there will no doubt be pushback, but I think Christians have much to look forward to in the upcoming months with this campaign. 

2. Prosperity Preaching (A Bad way)- The misguided attempt to draw in converts by promising God's blessings of health and wealth if they simply believe it.

I'm not a big fan of this one myself. While it is true that God can bless us, God is not going to get us a new Mercedes because of converting to Christianity. And, to the preachers suggesting that, some inner analysis would do some good. 

By bringing in people to the faith who expect nothing but God's blessings to rain down on them the minute they accept Jesus, we create shallow Christians. These Christians expect that Christianity is all about Good feelings and good times, and the minute something happens contrary to that, they may fall away. 

The Bible promises blessing, but also testing and trial. We grow through adversity, and maturing our faith is of the utmost importance once we accept Christ and are justified in him. It's a huge part of the day-to-day sanctification process to strive ever more to live as Christ would have us live. Suffering for Christians is disciplinary and meant for strengthening of our reliance on God, even when everything in our body screams for another response. 

Does prosperity preaching win converts? Absolutely, but in many cases it's not the lasting dedication to the faith the Christ is speaking of when he says to make disciples of the nations. We see in the case of Judas, just how prosperity potential played into his betrayal. Wealth and health will pass away, but Christ is forever.

3. Love is all you need Preaching (A so-so way)- This would be preaching that focuses primarily on the Love of God to draw in those who are compelled by that emotional connection.

I'm calling this one a mixed bag. I do not suggest we don't love those who we are ministering to, but we have to also balance our "love preaching" with full gospel truth.

In reality, the first part of the Gospel is the bad news/ convicting part. We only get to the good news of it, when we learn that Christ took the penalty of God's wrath for us on the cross. Prior to that line, it's pretty bad news for humans. 

To start with the love, or to even focus on it so much that one never learns why it's important, is to neglect an important part of the Gospel. 

Again, this can lead to many false doctrines creeping into the body of the church. We can begin to see Jesus as simply our good buddy, and not as savior. We begin to see God as the old man in the sky who exists to fulfill our wants and needs. 

The reality of the gospel is that we are sinners, separated from God by our sin. Without Christ bridging that Chasm, we are under the wrath of God, and frankly, in bad shape. When we trust Christ for our justification from sin, that gap is bridged and we have fellowship again with our Creator, as in the first days with Adam and Eve. Without that belief and justification in Christ, we are lost.

Not quite as "good news" to hear the whole story, but still extremely extremely important for Christians to know. Whether new to the faith or long term, these basic principles have to be understood if one is to truly be able to call oneself, "Christian." 

There are many other methods used, but those three have an element of a good way, middle of the road way, and bad way to lead people to Christ. 

As I strive to witness and speak to people about Christ, I have not yet found a method that reaches them completely. Since becoming a Christian, I have loaded up on apologetics, and spent a lot of intellectual pursuit trying to understand exactly why I believe. I suppose that is so if someone were to ask, I could be ready to give a reason for the hope I have. By that same note though, I'm full of information with no real outlet for it. 

If I walk up to some random dude on the street and begin spouting theology they're going to run the other way. So, how are Christians supposed to disciple the lost? 

We have examples of walking the walk, like mission work. A simple act like that can often sway opinion in favor of Christians. Frankly, a lot of our behavior plays a huge part. 

If so many Christians weren't acting crazy all the time, the world probably wouldn't mind us so much. If they saw the normal fellowship and worship services, the helping hand lent to a neighbor in need, they'd be lining up to come to Christ. 

Sadly, in our fallen world, even Christians aren't perfect, and we do stupid things often. We are held to a higher standard because of Christ, so it's easy to see how an unbeliever would be put off by some Christian behavior when our Savior laid out a very specific way to behave in the world. 

As I reflect on this writing (and for whatever purpose I felt compelled to write), I realize I have more close friends and family opposed to Christ than for Him. I have more Christian friends and family who would rather "do good things" than understand the real meaning of Christ. The world's mindset and values has slipped into the church, and we are paying the price daily. 

It hurts me to think that even with all my theological knowledge I cannot seem to effectively witness to anyone.

How then, do I fulfill Christ's commission? 

I've found over time that prayer is really the only true answer to that question. It is God who can compel the hearts of the unbeliever to repentance and faith. Christ may have commissioned his disciples to spread the good news, but it's God the Holy Spirit who opens hearts to be receptive to that news. I could give the most profound, exact answer in the world to someone with only one question keeping them from belief, and without God moving on their heart, they'd still not actively choose faith. 

And so, as it is a dual effort, I feel slightly more encouraged. Going alone to preach the good news, without prayer and God, is beating our heads against a brick wall. 

This gives me more hope. I am a bit forward in my attempts to spout theological knowledge to try to convince people of Christ, but truly if it is time for that person to know Christ, it will be God's working on their heart. God might use my words to compel that, or He might not. I suppose there's some beauty in that. 

It is much more fulfilling, and less frustrating, to know God has our hand even in spreading news about himself. God does love every one of his creations, and even though some will ultimately still reject his offer of love and salvation, countless more will accept and spread the good news. We cannot control those who reject the gospel. We want to, especially in the case of friends and family. But, ultimately, loving and ministering to needs may be all we can do with those people. Explaining deep theological truth will not sway them without God making them receptive. 

So brethren, as we go out, trying to fulfill our calling in Christ, using our gifts and talents to further the kingdom, let us always remember that it is God who does the work on the hearts, and let us trust that his love for the lost will bring in a wonderfully abundant number to faith in Christ.