A Celebration of Father and Sons

The Clan of Byers Men

I think there is sometimes a misconception in our society as to how men are supposed to interact with other men. Specifically, when it comes to men in the same family. 

Today, as I reflect on memories of the past with my dad, I am abundantly thankful that he never had too much trouble sharing his love for my brothers and me. 

It wasn't always easy. In the past we had a dynamic where at the end of a long phone call there was a quick silence as both of us decided who, if either, would be first to say "I love you." Sometimes we got it out. Sometimes we didn't, but we always knew what the other wanted to say. 

I take pride in the fact that a lot of who I am today is directly inspired by/encouraged by my father. 

Sense of style and good looks included :)

We grew up in a consistently loving household. Andy and I never had any inkling of what it might feel like not to be loved deeply by both of our parents. I count that a major blessing as it is much less common these days. 

Of course, we got in trouble as all kids tend to do. I remember I used to mentally base my dad's mood on his facial hair. When he was fully shaved, he was in the best mood. Full beard, meant serious dad. Mustache (while they were popular) was somewhere in between. 

It turns out mood was often based more on how Andy and I were treating each other on any given day than hair growth, but I recall that being an important gauge to a younger version of me. Maybe that's why Juliet won't let me grow a mustache. Too "mood neutral." 

I used to sit on the couch, with him in his man chair (recliner) watching back-to-back baseball games on television. He had a tendency, however engrossing the game might have been, to doze off mid game. Unless it was a Cardinals game. 

It's funny the habits and interests we pick up directly from our parents. My love of music is directly passed down from him. He tried giving me a left-handed guitar when I was barely old enough to hold the thing. Turns out if it had been a right handed guitar, I might be a prodigy by now. My left handed handwriting was no gage for how I would play guitar. Still, he knew a love of music was something important to encourage early on. It practically defines me at this point. 

Looking more comfortable holding it right-handed

We grew up immersed in the Beatles, so naturally to be like dad, they became my favorite band as well. Overtime, I graduated into other artists, but I always looked to his taste for guidance. While Andy branched off into a Backstreet Boys phase that he probably isn't keen on me mentioning here, I stayed true to the oldies. Andy would later double back to real music so the story ends well.

It's funny how I would passively base a lot of my interests on my dad. I don't think it was so much seeking approval, as desiring to share activities and interests. He would have approved regardless of our choices, but it felt extra special to share common ground.

As I picked up guitar during my teenage years he was encouraging. I wasn't quite the expert I am now (wink wink), but he kept me thinking that I was and pushed me to continue improving. 

When we played with our band the Huntsman (Andy and I), my greatest gigs were those in which he was able to attend. I tailored set lists to his tastes and was always excited if we were trying some new harmony or re-playing a classic favorite of his. 

The smile is why I did it. My dad has an infectious smile. It's one of my greatest desires in life to cause it to appear. I've been blessed in that he has approved and been proud of most of what I've done so far in my life. So, thankfully I see it every time I see him. 

He also has had moments of concern for me. His vested interest in my life decisions in all areas, though he considers lecturing, I consider sage-advice. Sure it may have the appearance of a lecture, but I treasure the words of wisdom (even when I fail to implement them as suggested). 

We have rarely disagreed, but in those moments, we have always come to a place of conflict resolution. We used to drive up to Civitan Park in Muskogee and park the car on the hill to have discussions that would last hours. They were about the more serious things in life most of the time, but we always had an element of love and civility in the midst of even the toughest discussions. 

The abundance of memories I have with my dad are too numerous to list, but I'll try to name a few key ones that I remember. 

The day he met Juliet for the first time, though he was cautiously optimistic for me when I announced my plans to marry, was a great day. He loved her immediately, and I knew he was happy I had only partially heeded his advice, thrown a bit of caution to the wind and moved forward with the marriage. He was never against it, but just advised on important matters to consider beforehand. I don't think he can imagine his life without Juliet now.  That makes me smile (dang, I'm making myself a bit teary eyed again...every time I type the word smile). I must have a connection to that word as it relates to my dad. He has never asked me to seek his approval, but much of my daily decisions are based on what he would think. His influence on my life has been larger than he probably realizes.

One of the first visits to Cheddars with Juliet

Sunglasses Buddies

When my stepmom, Kristen, was sick recently, and I went to help him out around the house, I saw my dad worried for one of the first times. He wasn't Mr. Always Tough Man by any means, but he had genuine concern written on his face this time. The hugs that week were extra important for both of us as we prayed for her to get better. When all went well, it was one of the hardest times I've had to leave to come home. There was a new connection developing in the midst of trial. 

When Juliet was having her surgery during the miscarriage, he was checking in with me and keeping me positive. I declined his offer to come down because I wanted to be strong, but I think now I should've taken the chance for some quality time with him. 

I thank my dad for deciding with my mom at an early age to get Andy and I into church. I'm not sure anyone has seen my other blogs, but there seems to be a decidedly Christian influence on them. I can thank both of my parents for that. I understand not everyone in my family may be connected to God in the same way currently, but I am thankful that I was encouraged to do so. As Juliet and I have deepened in our faith, we have faced a lot of adversity. Thankfully, my dad has been supportive. He'll listen to me ramble on about this event or that sermon with open ears. We had our deepest discussion yet last time I visited, and ventured into the oft forbidden (don't discuss religion) territory. It was a great talk. 

I know he is happy to be back playing in the church band at First Methodist. Any chance to have a guitar in his hands is great for him. He is modest about his true abilities, but I know he's great at it. He can sing too, lest he try to tell anyone otherwise! 

True Guitar Playing

There are many activities we've shared over the years: Baseball games, vacations, concerts (really good ones). Every chance we get to visit him is a happy day for me. It has been hard in the past to split our time equally with him and my mom since they are separated, but I think in a way it makes the time spent with him that much more special. We often know it's limited so we don't waste time.

Two Nearly Identical Pics a Year Apart

And that would be a good theme for this day in general. Don't waste time. I'm sure that as much as I love talking to my dad, I haven't talked to him as often as I would like. There are probably still topics to be broached, and things to be shared. As an adult, you get to develop a whole new element of a relationship with your parents and I love that we've reached that point. Suddenly, things are more open. I've still got questions, and I'm sure he does too. We'll continue dialoguing as long as possible because it's those conversations I treasure. 

So, I think to close on this day for celebrating dads, I will venture into a tougher area for me, and mention some of my strongest desires for my dad. Juliet says to me that broaching certain subjects is still awkward for us, and I want to begin changing that.

Dad, you know where our faith stands, and support us. And, I know you are a man seeking God. I want to encourage you today to let go of the world around you, and just be immersed in your faith. I'm so happy to see you all back in church, but don't let your questions or doubts ever keep you from reaching out for that true connection. God has truly blessed our lives, and it was you and mom who first planted that seed. I'd love to see that come full circle, for us to pray together, learn together and grow in another element of our relationship.

I want you to come to Austin as often as you can (though I know it's tough to coordinate). We miss you all and have difficulty getting the time off to visit as often as we used to. Any trip, no matter how short or long would be a blessing. 

Keep up the good work with Michael. You've got him in the youth group, heading down the same road that Andy and I got to travel at that age. Encourage him in the faith, keep him focused. He's a great kid, and I'm happy to have him in my life as well. Thank you for raising the three of us so well.

Father/Son Hat Time

Andy and My Dad bond best over Baseball

I can't speak for Andy and Michael, but I know a father/sons trip someday might be a good way to relive the old trips when you, Andy and I would venture into fun territories. 

Keep your heart on God and your family. You have blessed us already more than you know. 

You are more than deserving of this Happy Father's Day!

Master Tower Inspector (I do not share his fearless ability to conquer heights)

*Almost forgot to mention grilling. My dad can grill up some very tasty treats...Lemon chicken stands as the favorite*