Offer to God the sacrifice of thanksgiving (Psalm 50:14)
Juliet and I were speaking yesterday about how difficult that past month had been. Normally, in the midst of troubles, we look ahead to upcoming events or happenings, and focus on the anticipation of future things.
We had plenty to focus on when March began, not least of which was the chance to be parents come October. Of course, our plans are not always in line with what God has for us. We both sat around yesterday feeling down. I had spent nearly $500 on brake pads, machined rotors, high mileage oil change, and bleeding brake system, and felt ripped off. Of course I hadn't thought to clarify what I wanted and get pricing first, so it is my fault for not being a more discerning consumer. My friend and I had done the brake pads on the same car 2 years ago for $35 total.
We both were home frustrated and wondering how the beginning of such a great month (March) had led to this time of frustration. As Juliet began listing things off that she "hated," I tried to point out that, while I too was frustrated by all of the bad things that had happened, we had still come out of the month with some great blessings as well.
It's true the more we think about our baby, the worse it hurts. It just seems weird to be so excited about something and to have it ripped away. We do not let go of our trust in God, but certainly the day-to-day leads to frustration. Juliet's family was supposed to be here by today as well originally. They hit a setback and as of now, I don't know when exactly they'll be able to come. This has been the same story for 2 years now, with various setbacks keeping them away. This makes me feel bad for taking Juliet away from her family in 2007, despite the blessing she is to me. It's hard to be the guy who married away the daughter.
Financially, we hit a block too with Juliet not working for 2 weeks and being out of PTO. We have had some help for which we are grateful, but the whole situation threw off any semblance of a budget I had for the year. I owe Juliet gifts promised to her months ago, and I feel bad that not only do I keep her from her family, but also I can't even get her a simple birthday gift.
I know she doesn't worry about the family thing, and we tend to be able to visit when we want. But, now with no more PTO for her, I'm not sure how to get her down there for a visit. I want to say that in the midst of it all, we FROG (fully rely on God) but as Christians who are by no means perfect, we still get frustrated and question things sometimes.
In the midst of the list of things we were mad about, I did manage to point out some of the great blessings we experienced recently. The fact that my mom and Joe are now close by, and the fact we have consistently had a Sunday grilling dinner tradition, is a wonderful blessing that we wouldn't have anticipated even 2 months ago.
The fact that we are alive and breathing is another great blessing. I hurt for my dad and step-mom right now as she goes through some terrible lung problems. Certainly, they are in the midst of hardship as well. In retrospect, again, our troubles seem to pale in comparison. Juliet's supervisor had a daughter who had a miscarriage at the same time as Juliet, who had to receive three units of blood. We can be thankful then that Juliet only needed two, despite the trauma of that experience.
When we look around, there are always situations much worse than ours. There is this insane desire for the type of care and attention that comes from a personal tragedy. The outpouring of support from everyone during Juliet's miscarriage became a huge blessing to us. But, a week has passed and Juliet is doing better, and so the support network, as it is wont to do, fades back in to the background. It is ready at a moment's notice, and we pray there is no further need. Yet, some desire inside still longs for the acknowledgment and attention we became so reliant upon these past two weeks.
I find myself unmotivated by work. I was looking forward to some overtime and a chance to be the provider for the family as we anticipated the baby. Now overtime seems simply like more time away from Juliet. I want to be with her 24/7 now. I got used to taking care of her, and having her close by. To come back to the day-to-day of work (even at a job I love), has me in a funk. There is no driving force right now except: work-make money-pay bills-spend money-work some more.
I guess this is just a part of growing up. I can be thankful that I at least have a job that I enjoy most days. The pay is solid, and growth potential is there if I can get out of my funk and motivate myself to pursue it. I see others around me succeeding at the things I throw myself out there for, and wonder if I'm simply just in the midst of a greater plan, or if I have no actual skills for advancement.
I think in time this too will pass. Perhaps it is a lesson on living day to day and being appreciative for the daily things. We have spent a good portion of our marriage longing for future dates. We rarely just sit back and enjoy the days.
We should be mostly debt free by 2015, so that is a blessing. Had I known it would take 7 years when we got that first credit card, I would not have touched the thing. Now thousands of dollars in wasted money later, we at least have the blessing of a Christian debt counseling company that is paying off our debt at a rate faster than what we could have done ourselves. Another card just got paid down, so that's good news!
As Christians we do our best not to base our happiness on worldly things, but I think most Christians could agree that it is sometimes quite difficult. The world is all around us. Living as aliens in this world is harder as than it seems. I suppose that's why Christ asked us to take up our crosses and follow him. Or to rephrase, take up your Roman devices of torture and follow me, and be ready because this life won't be easy. Sometimes I wish he had said take up your pillows and follow me because we're going to have a nice nap. Alas, we move forward with what we have. We thank God each day for breath and life, and we strive to be more Heavenly minded, so that the trials and tribulations of this world pale in comparison to the promise we have someday in Christ. Keep us in your prayers, and thank you all again for the support in our time of need. It is appreciated more than anyone can know. Be blessed, friends!
No comments:
Post a Comment