Fear (In light of current events)

I want to be honest. Lately, I'm afraid. More than any other time in my life, I'm afraid. 

A decade ago it wouldn't have crossed my mind to be uneasy going to a movie theater. Now, each time I enter one I have exits planned and I find myself (unfortunately) judging people out of fear.

With the recent attacks in Paris, I'm reminded that right before our Cancun trip this year, the incident on the beach that killed so many had me afraid even to go relax on the sand. 

There is so much terror in our world, and I think if we're honest, regardless of our politics or faith system, there is an air of uncertainty that is hard to fully write off.

But, I'm smart enough to know that not every Christian is represented by Westboro, the KKK, or Nazi Germany. Those are all examples of hijacking a religion. It happens with gangs as well, who put on the cross bling and pray to the saints before shooting up a convenience store.

I know that just as those are not representative of my faith in Christ, so too terrorists are not representative of Islam as a whole. They've hijacked it, and use it for justification, but it is not the true Islamic faith they follow.

I'm afraid, but I don't want this fear to lead me to condemn or generalize a whole people or faith group; Christian, Muslim or otherwise.

I'm sure many Muslims feel just as frustrated by those killing in that religion's name as many Christians have felt throughout the ages being looped in with the KKK, or to a lesser degree Westboro. Those are simply the first examples to come to mind.

Regarding my fear, My Christian friends will say to trust God to take away the fear. And to a degree, for my own faith, that will help. But it does not fully address the issue. I think as a means of dealing with this crazy world, there are perhaps other, practical solutions.

I'm beginning to understand that living out the loving aspects of our faith systems (or simply our ethics as the case may be) is the only true way to bring people together, instead of tearing them apart.

On my team at work there are Christians, Muslims, Atheists, Jews, and I'm sure a whole host of non-categories, and each of us get along and care for each other as coworkers.

This then must be the model for the world. Our differences will always exist, but we cannot become afraid of those differences. We can embrace them and love, or at the very least be kind, to one another. 

I may be afraid because of events in the world, but I'm learning  that alleviating that fear will come, at least partially, from embracing and loving all those around me.

I can't stop a terror attack any more than I control whether or not I'll wake up each day. But I think I'm going to choose to go forward with a healthy respect for our differences. It may not be the way most would go, and I may not perfectly execute this path, but it's the only way I know right now to let the fear go, and embrace love.

*These are my personal reflections, but feel free to share or pass along if you want. Maybe it can help someone else feeling the same.*

The End of "The Great Downsizing"

Our experiment, for that is what I believe it always was, has finally come to a close. It was sometime around May/June 2014 when we bought the 1997 Fleetwood Wilderness Fifth Wheel, and commenced what I lovingly called, "The Great Downsizing."

The idea was simple. We would avoid high apartment rent, and gain an asset of value, while downsizing our cost of living and lifestyle in order to pay off some debts, and generally just save more money. How did it go? Well, like most things in life, not exactly to plan.

Once we committed to buying the RV, Juliet decided to go work for her dad with the mission teams in Mexico. At the time, I had 3 days off per week, so I drove down frequently to visit her while she stayed there. The original RV plan had included her keeping her decent paying job that she hated for a year so that we could knock all the debts out, and then begin working for her dad. We essentially flipped that, and did the opposite.

And, for a time it worked. We still managed to pay down some of the bigger debts, and for the most part did not incur too much more, despite her not bringing in an income anymore. And, living in the RV, for me, was a fun experience at first.

Since we bought an older model, I expected at some point we would have to do some upkeep. I am not skilled in the handyman arts, so I planned to either teach myself, or use tips from those around me. When my stepdad moved back to Tulsa with my mom, my initial handyman contact was gone. He was still helpful over the phone, and truthfully it forced me to learn some things on my own, but as more and more started to need maintenance, it began to get too frustrating for my unskilled self.

And then, Tyler moved back into town. My best friend Tyler had just about every tool, and life experience, to fix anything and everything (and he still does). He was kind enough on multiple occasions to help me with some of the heftier projects. We installed new, more stable piping under the sink. We replaced the A/C Motor to give the Air conditioner new life. And, he helped on many small things as well.

When they visited, Juliet's dad also did some small repairs.

I think because of these people around us, I pushed for us to stay in the RV longer than I probably would have if I'd not had the help.

When Juliet finished in Mexico and came back up in May of this year, we knew she'd need to get a job somewhere. We had survived on the little bit she got from the teams in Mexico, so I knew she could work wherever she wanted, for whatever pay she could get. Anything would be an upgrade financially at that point. She chose to work somewhere that makes her happy, essentially playing with dogs all day (her dream job for sure). What I hadn't counted on, was the issue of where to put all of her things once she moved back to the RV, on top of having two dogs taking up space. It was never cramped, but it was also never an abundance of space for storage.

And then it got to be a little too much...

This past weekend, the rain (or at least I believe it was the rain) shorted something out, and we haven't been able to get the AC or lights working. If we're lucky, it'll turn out that the electric pole shorted out and the community will fix it. If we aren't, then something went wrong on the RV, and it became temporarily unlivable. Either way we had to spend 4 nights at hotels because the weather wasn't quite cool enough yet to go without AC in Austin. We had been discussing a move back to a 1 bedroom apartment by the end of the year, but because of the new problem with the electricity/air conditioner, our timetable got pushed up.

We had visited a few apartments to get ideas, but we never imagined we'd be back 24 hours later to lease whatever we could find available at a decent price. It was either that, or keep paying nightly at hotels (way more expensive in the long run).

So, with a measure of frustration, which soon turned to excitement, we sought out an apartment community. We landed at a nice community in the north part of Round Rock, near the outlet mall and IKEA. It wasn't too far from where the RV park had been, so our commute didn't increase too much.

We found a nice 1st floor, 1 bed/1bath apartment with a washer/dryer in unit (so great to have). Today, we got the keys, and paid the move in costs. Because of the short notice, we were able to get some generous, last minute help to meet all of the initial costs.

Tonight will be the first night in nearly a year and a half that I will sleep in a new home that isn't the RV. Honestly, it's a bit of a relief, despite my fondness for the RV lifestyle in the beginning.

Our next step is to get it put in storage and try to sell it. I have a feeling the issues were community related instead of RV related, so the AC and things should still be good. Hopefully we can sell it for enough to knock out a few months rent, and just buy some general flexibility.

Overall, the Great down sizingwas not a bad thing at all. But, as with any experiment, it eventually must end.

The RV allowed Juliet to do what she loved in Mexico for nearly a year. It allowed us to pay off some debts and bills, and learn to live with a little less. I learned a few handyman tricks that I can someday implement on a house. We still have an asset (albeit a fixer-upper asset) and can get some money back on it. Overall, it was a good life experience, and I don't regret it. I think it was there for the time we needed it, but now it's time to move on again to creature comforts like a maintenance team, and a washer, dryer, and dishwasher.

I still would recommend downsizing to someone thinking about it. But, I would suggest paying a little more for the RV and getting a newer model. We bought one that was a bit older, and as such, had a few maintenance items to take care of in our time with it. Overall, it has held up pretty well considering its age. Still, the investment for something a bit newer would be worth it in the long haul and same some headache.

I think we will still do what we can to maintain a lifestyle of a little less. We'll still do our best to set aside money that we can. Ultimately, whatever we end up being able to do, we can do it with a bit more comfort and peace of mind than we've had for the last year. The trade off at this point seems worth it, so it's time to close one chapter, and begin another.

The Great Divide

It's been awhile since I have written here. My apologies. Due to a number of factors (summer being one), I have just lost motivation and/or been busy with other activities. A semi-steady music gig, an anniversary vacation, and the acquisition of a "Wii U" gaming system, have cut into my writing time.

Lack of motivation is likely the primary culprit. Perhaps as a creative outlet, writing must come when it comes. As such, if inspiration does not strike, it is easy for writing to get lost in the day to day.

In the past, this blog has served as an outlet for my various views (sometimes unpopular), on Christianity primarily, but occasionally other things.

I've felt in my heart lately that our entire western Christian perspective has lost its way. Looking back in history, it seems our generations of Christians have become the most spoiled. Our biggest concern is that someone on Facebook will disagree with us on a theological or political point. Putting all of our focus on these often petty disagreements has turned us into a congregation of divided views.

Some would argue it has been this way for awhile. After all, there are tens of thousands of denominations of Christianity. But, the political climate of the past few years, combined with the easy access opinion generator known as Facebook, has brought the division amongst Christians more into view. With the instant communication of the internet, there is little secret that Western Christians have divided themselves into camps.

Denominations aside, it has essentially morphed into a sort of political Christianity, where the goal is less about Jesus and His teachings, and more about whose political candidate is more godly (hint: none of them). I used to be of the opinion that church and state should be somewhat integrated. My views leaned more to the right, as I felt that was the more theologically sound side of the Christians. I've since drifted further away from that thought.

When Christians begin dividing themselves by political belief, the gaps and small theological disagreements can become massive. You are either for, or against, with no in between, and no room for either side to give in to the other. This results in a very polarized Christianity. Jesus was more liberal. Jesus was more conservative. Jesus was _____. It's a common debate. My question is why?

Christians in the West (myself included) are spoiled. We sit here debating politics while our brethren overseas are beheaded and persecuted. We build our large churches and value prosperity and the good life over helping and reaching out to those less fortunate. We do a mission trip now and again to alleviate our feelings of superiority, but once we arrive back home, the pursuit of money and happiness again take over, and our Christianity becomes once again a worldly version of Christ's original teaching.

Looking back in context to Christ's time and what was happening politically and socially then, we see that it was often the prosperous (rich) religious people of the day who Jesus specifically targeted as being hypocrites. They had added to God's original commands, and used the religion (Judaism at the time) to keep the rich rich, and the poor poor.

We see numerous times in the Gospels Christ reaching out to the less fortunate and the poor. That isn't to say someone who is well off is automatically disqualified from being Christian. Christ's focus is the heart. It is possible for God to prosper us, but the prosperity should not be our sole pursuit. As I mention in my upcoming book (if I ever get finished), Christianity is a dangerous faith. There is much actually required of those who fully commit. I know I fall short of full commitment daily. Honestly, I'm in a spiritual dry season even as I write this. Not to be hypocritical, but often it's in these dry seasons when perspective becomes a bit clearer. I still identify as a devoted Christian, but I can't say I've invested much time in the kingdom lately.

That being said, what is the best way to do this? Most cannot just drop everything and become full time missionaries (though that was essentially what the disciples did). Most cannot give everything they have to the poor without causing their own families to suffer. To a degree; however, there are things we can do.

I won't write much on these things because I think deep down every Christian is aware there are ways they can be giving back and building the kingdom. God uses our individual and unique gifts and talents to further His will, and what that looks like for me, will likely not be the same as for others. In this way, we do need to seek God's purpose for us, and how best to use our God-given abilities.

So, since we know there is more we need to do, why don't we do it? The primary reason mentioned here, is because we are all too busy fighting one another over petty differences to look to common ground and Christ's call to us.

The far left Christians (I'll pick on them first since they are picked on less) perhaps become so engrossed with acceptance of everyone and everything, that to a degree the Gospel may become compromised. To their credit; though, they are the often the ones reaching out to their neighbors and the less fortunate. In addition, they are less prone to judging the secular world- which is not specifically the Christian's call (as Paul mentioned in Corinthians). The judgment we are to pronounce is actually on those within the faith, and that even is to be done sparingly and with love and witnesses present for the purpose of renewal, not condemnation. The other side of the spectrum is perhaps the more well known and criticized (often with good reason).

Conservative (read: right wing) Christianity has become so obsessed with every political move signaling the falling away of society, that they constantly rally and rail against any perceived acceptance of alternate beliefs and lifestyles. Previously, I would have actually identified more on this end. But, as I get to know more people of different backgrounds and life situations, it becomes abundantly clear to me that they are people deserving of love too, not just from their neighbors, but from God. They are not automatically excluded from God's love because they are different. Right-wing Christianity would argue that they are, or that the ultimate goal of conversion is more important than their immediate feelings. The old adage of catching more with honey (not that these people are flies) is somewhat true. Treating the outside world in such a negative way is not likely to win any to Christianity soon.

Christ did not go into the prostitute's houses to tell them how horrible they were. He ate with them, spoke about His way, loved them, and called them to something greater than their current circumstance. He did not hold up signs of protest about the evils of prostitution. To the credit of the conservative end, many Christians I know who truly strive to emulate Christ's teachings fall on that end of the spectrum. It's not all or nothing, but there is still a problem with the left versus right Christianity.

I have not done it yet (see earlier mentioned lack of motivation), but I think it's time to re-read and really assess the Gospels and what Jesus actually spoke about- in the context of His time first, before applying it to our times. I want to know how he treated others because ultimately if we are to be His followers, I believe modeling ourselves after His life is way more important than our current way of exclusion or the pursuit of prosperity.

I'm sure it will challenge me, but I have confidence I will gain new insight. It sounds cliche, but I really wonder why we can't all just get along? Shouldn't our faith be the one area where we stand firm on common ground, instead of dividing the flock with petty political disagreements. I don't care if you love or hate our political leaders, they are the current leaders, and Romans 13 says respect God's appointed leaders. I'm tired of hating people with my faith, I want to love and draw people to Christ, not push them away with hateful statements or actions.

It is in this we can maybe all find some common ground. When in the Gospel does it say, "Jesus saw the crowds, but perceived some of them were sinful, so he and the disciples made signs to protest their sin and tell them how horrible they were?" I missed that verse I guess. Seriously, why are Christians such haters these days? What is our problem? If Christ's return is imminent, shouldn't we be loving people and giving knowledge of Christ through our actions and attitudes. Railing against the hot issues of the day will not win anyone's opinion. These days, it will push it further away. I know Christ said the world will hate us, but He never encouraged us to Hate the people of the world.

Food for thought perhaps.

Blessings!