I would like to stray from the Proverbs post temporarily to acknowledge in blog form, a wonderful woman. Betty Jean LaFave, or as she was more commonly known to her family, Mema, would have been 78 years young today. It was 2004 when she passed away.
I have mentioned her in passing before in regards to understanding that even in our toughest times, Christ gives us peace. She passed away during finals week of my Freshman year at OSU. I had maintained a 4.0 GPA up until that point, and the timing of her passing just happened to coincide with many due dates and tests to study for.
I knew the most important thing to me at that point was to be close to her in her final days. Truth was, there were not many times that I didn't go out of my way to visit her. Once I was able to drive, it seems like I was down in Kingfisher at "Mema's house" all the time. Maybe it wasn't as much as I remember, but I never really felt like they were more than a short drive away. When I found out she didn't have much longer, I drove the hour or so from Stillwater and set up shop in their computer room. During her final days, she visited with each of us individually and gave us words of wisdom, and a letter she had typed. She told me how much it had hurt when we moved away from Kingfisher to Muskogee when I was a child. Of course this wasn't something I had any control over, being young at the time, but all the years of her tearing up every time we left to go back home made sense. As I recall, she said how proud she was of who I had become and my musical abilities.
One of my biggest regrets is that Juliet, my wife, did not ever get to meet her. Sometimes I forget though because Juliet will reference her once in awhile based on all the stories we have told her. Also, I think she can see her living on through my mom. Maybe that is why it is easier for me to deal with her passing. I still see a lot of her in my mom, so that gives me someone to remind me of her.
It is odd because spiritually in our family I can draw a direct line from Mema--> LeeAnn (mom)--> me. I got my strong faith through both of them...or at least they helped develop it the most.
I used to try to visit Mema's Sonshine Gospel Singing barn whenever possible to be the opening act, after her song of course. She always loved to sing "Drinkin' from My Saucer" but she never quite had the words right---and that's what made it great. She always said "I'm drinking from my saucer, cuz my cup is overflowed." It is what made her unique.
My song, "Betty Jean" was written shortly after her passing, and continues to be another source of strength for me. There were so many great memories that she left behind for us, I think we will all be tied over until we rejoin her someday.
I remember some of the ways she used to pronounce words that we all loved. Some examples below:
Juanderful- Wonderful
Onest- Once
Warsh- wash
Acrost- Across
Blike- Black
Those are some of my favorites. I post those not to make fun, but because those closest to her take joy in remembering her mannerisms.
I am driving what was her last owned vehicle currently. My mom had it first, and then I got it from her. It is funny to think sometimes that I am sitting in the same seat she used to sit in to drive up to the video store with me when I would visit. Or to the Hot Stuff Pizza to get my favorite brand of personal pan pizza. I am so thankful to have a piece of her still here with me. We have some of her frog collections too --haha-- she always was collecting a type of decoration. From Apples to Frogs we never knew how the house would be decorated when we visited, but it was always a joy.
Joy--she liked to say it stood for Jesus, Others, Yourself.
I somehow (probably from my mom) got her collection of "Thru the Bible with J. Vernon McGee" books as well. These books have been an enormous blessing, as Dr. McGee has wonderful Biblical insight. I never knew she had anything like that or that I would someday have it, but I treasure those books for their spiritual insight, and their connection to Mema. I found some of her old notes tucked away in one volume the other day and enjoyed reading something with her handwriting on it.
I have been blessed to have such wonderful family in my life. All of my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and immediate family are wonderful--both sides of the family.
I look forward to visiting with Pepa often, even though we don't always talk about much, it's always nice because I can still see parts of Mema in him. A twinkle in his eye of sorts that reminds me of her always saying "Frenchy!" Haha.
It is the same on my dad's side of the family. When my Grandpa Bill passed away, I was still in high school. I remember dedicating a song to him at my graduation. If I wasn't in Kingfisher, I was over at his house mowing the lawn or helping him with yard work. It's the only time I've ever enjoyed yard work. His passing was equally hard, but due to having Alzheimer's, my memories have to stretch further back with Grandpa Bill.
Thank God my parents had the foresight to purchase two books that I treasure. "Grandfather Remembers"- Filled out by Grandpa Bill before he got Alzheimer's and "Grandma Remembers"- filled out by Mema.
These books have lists and spaces for stories and are basically a window into their lives from childhood to the timeframe when I knew them.
Things did change when Mema passed away. Our major tradition--the highlight of the year--was Christmas Eve at Mema's house. She always had food cooking and we always had a "juan"derful time with everyone. I think her passing hit some of us harder than others. I prayed immediately for peace when I knew it was her last moments, and in a display of God's grace that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt to me that He does exist and love us, He gave me peace and insight into the situation--that was beyond my maturity at that point---I finally understood it all in context, and with the new found peace, He guided me through writing my finals papers and got me an extension on my exams (one of which was from a professor who didn't like me that much). Don't tell me God doesn't exist personally with us. If I hadn't seen it before December 2004--I certainly have seen it since.
Christmas has transitioned into a more current tradition, and we all have gotten used to the new ways of doing things---it is still a tradition I look forward to every other year (trade off years with Juliet :) I will say that there were some tough ones though. I hear sometimes about troubles that the LaFave side of the family is going through. I hear about fighting and manipulation amongst the family and it makes me sad. None of us would have considered that while Mema was living--and if we had, she would have calmly reminded us that we are family--nothing can change that--we need to just have a good meal and love each other. I know these issues will be worked out though, and the family will function fully as one unit again.
So as I go along life's journey--just like Mema--I am reaping more than I sow in blessings. I have a beautiful wife (who is a strong Christian), a juanderful family and extended family--including my new family in Mexico. I have two great puppies that we treat like kids. I have the best job of my life--a perfect fit. Truly my cup runneth over. And everytime I Thank God for all the blessings and mercies he has bestowed---I remember Mema singing "I'm Drinkin' from my saucer Lord, cuz my cup has overflowed"
Happy Birthday Betty Jean!
Betty LaFave- Drinkin' From My Saucer Performance
"Betty Jean" A Chris Byers original
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